Anonymous visitor(s?)

I'm posting this blog to an anonymous. "A little sharing"..."About Sumi"...her little daily trouble? Forget about it~ I'm just posting for fun and let go all my stress and unhappiness.

Private - Stress

Feeling stressed these days. I have lots to catch up, loads of work to do. And I have too much stress to deal with, I don't really have much time for that. Mrs. Ling said about out trueself today. I've been speechless, for I had lost my trueself, that what I've been thinking. I lost my trueself, since last year, since met with Chia, that's what Wern said. She told me that I 've been changing since I met her, I gave an duno-wherther-it-is-an-excuse that peoples are like that. Once you getting close too often with soneone our one surrounding, you'll somehow be a little alike with 'them'. But I won't think much, for I've nothing to actually stress or sad for. Ya.. I do hope so. I put this as my private profile, but yet this is the only actually one that I don't want people to know about.

My True Self - Lost

A few days ago, Wern said something that hurts me a lot and quite hunting me. She used to say I'm acting like someone, since last year. She even said I'm more serious last year, this year's being better. I told her, humans are like that. When you're closer to someone and both of you get together often, you will get at least a little influence by her. I couldn't show how hurt I was that time, I couldn't let her see my hurt face.
So long, 2 years. At last, I'm getting myself better than the past. This year, I finally succeeded in making myself more happy, more open-minded than usuall, I thought. But Wern's words make me felt horrible for myself. I'm living in someone's shadow for such a long time. I'm not my self, I'm not belong to my own. I'm copying others, I'm acting like others, not my TRUE self.
To me, it's a hurt ones. Because I'm sick of being someone while I don't realize it and found it when people starts saying me this and that. So my solution, get more touch with others, lots more people. Why? Because I'm the one and only, Sumi Yukiko, Princess of Happiniess, that solves problems as fast as I could, in order to continue stay happy.

Uneraseable Memory

Everytime before exam, there's always something that interrupt my concentration. First, dad. Then, fire. Now, A.
Nowadays, I become more and more busy. Keeping myself continuosly busy in order to keep out the uncomfortable things. But I seemed to be fail huh?
Thinking of her doings, thinking about our reactions, thinking about my stupidness, thinking about our foolishness, thinking about...something already over but yet kept in my mind forever.
I'm thinking about something that I shouldn't think. I try to keep myself more and more busy to forget about it, but yet at night, I can't sleep and couldn't stop refreshing the whole incident. That suffers me a lot.
Whenever I think about it, my heart feel so terribly bitter and I'm feeling like crying but there's no tears coming out from my eyes. I stared blankly into the dark space, try to focus out the thoughts but it's always a failure.
I know it will carft in my heart/mind forever, should be? This kind of me, never/couldn't/hard to erase any of the memories that I remember. It leads benefits and also useless trouble. And I'll lead this to a dead end, soon, I hope.

Internet Lover? Definately NO!

Have you ever fall in love with your MSN so called-friend?
Well, I don't know wherether I'm in it or not?
And I always tell my friend that don't believe in them 'coz you don't really know who they are? And I keep having faith that I WON'T fall in love in this~
But then..I 'met' someone..male, aged 17, learning in Hair Impression now..

You know he's some kind of 'cute' i think..
I jus couldn't keep on laughing whenever I heard his voice through the microphone..
You know? He's just so funny and cute~ >o<
I'm won't fall in love in this.
Somehow I remind myself with this and I know I won't fall in this.

Well, he's got girlfriend huh?
I don't know, and I don't dare to ask him.
Why? It's simple. When a guy/girl ask you this question all of a sudden..
Won't you feel anything wrong?
You might think that maybe he/she get a little crush in you?
You will, right? Me too.
That's why I don't want to ask him.

In fact, we end up in his silent-leaving.
Our first chat, he ends up like this.
Arrgh~ I'm not angry about it, just I hate people do this to me.
It's kind of irresponsible/unrespecting or something?
Never mind now.

I like the most he sang "I'm waiting for you...".
It's so sweet you know?
I mean his voice, well he sang it nice, really!
He' just losing 1 thing in his perfect-ness I think? =)

Angel Of Heaven

Do you actually believe in appearance of angel?If you do, here's a letter for you.

************************************************************************************
Dear my true friend,
I might be an angel that sent into your life...to watch over you, to solve you problems,to help you. I might not be significant in your life but you can always turn to me in times of need or just when you need someone to talk to. To you, I may just be a star just like everyone else but when you are in need of someone, I'll be the first one to be shining and would be the brightest, just like the stars would only blow out after a couple of million years, I would always be there till it's time for me to leave.

Regards,
Angel-of-Heaven
************************************************************************************

I choose to believe, for this is my will and I wanted to be happy and be secure. I can't force you to believe in angels but I want to tell you that, there's always an angel hanging up high in the sky, watching you and protecting you. I once search for it before when I was a little girl but then I realized that you will find it easily if you do believe in it and have faith in it. It is now in my heart, blessing me, giving me happiness. Hope one day you may find it too.

Sumi's Lost Smile

Sumi's lost smile has not been found yet.
Sumi wants to continue smiling.
She felt that her smile's fading away slowly.
She don't want to lose them.

Sumi's smile became weaker and weaker.
Sumi's wondering what caused the incident.
She's afraid of losing her smile.
She's trying hard to find back her lost smile.

Sumi wants to smile.
Sumi's smile became more and more fake.
She's typing this article with a confused smile.
She's questioning herself wherether is it her true smile.

Sumi won't sad anymore, though she know she stressed a lot.
Sumi wants to be a brave girl, that faces stress fearless.
She's gonna try to keep herself busy, in order to forget her stress.
She wanna be happy than anyone else, because it's the way to make others smile.

Sumi's lost smile.
Sumi will find out soon, perhaps?
She's gonna start a 'new' life IN her own.
She's facing it with invisible supports in her deepest heart.