Dear diary bla-bla

Today happened a my-so-called big deal...Well, I let a stranger in and? well, u knw next..Nt the one u think..it's about the teacher..HAIZZ..since small..I hate my own personality..not all but one part of it..and THIS part of it is really anough to make me insane..I can't stand the surrounding of people staring at me or wondering at me for what's happening, I just cant stand it! Although i'm doing nothing, and there's only ONE eye staring at me..I'll feel uncomfortable..and starting to be clumsy..GOSH~ I hate this part of personality~~~~~~~ sobx sobx SOBX. Aishh.. Staying in the past will just let you losing more and more things.. suddenly thought of this sentence tat i make it up yesterday..Don't you think it's meaningful? Well, maybe it's because this is my own sentence or what..? (i think i had make up more than 1 this sort of sentence ya?but somehow they dont seem to affect me or make me see the big picture of the whole thing..) Well, i got everything clear juz when i thought of this sentence. I'm glad I did it =) 1:06 a.m. It's over 12 already, today's 19th November 2007, a new day, a whole new start. Hope that today's my last day, last time of crying for this year. I'll need to be busy to get myself over it(nt underneath it) and continue spreading my happiness which is a mission of Princess SumiYukiko(-of happiness).

This is the end of a part of Princess SumiYukiko's dear-diary sort of things..Thanks for sharing,(dear diary).

Positive

I learnt something :
Staying in the past will just make you lose more things.

Step forward are making me losing things..But at least less than staying in the past.

Nothing but Dissapointment

Result's coming out..I don't really like to post in this blog and especially posting for results or exams..I HATE that!! Yeah..dissapointed but I guess it right. Not dropping or 'flying'...stand STILL on the ground..yeah..maybe backwards a little..okay..forget about it..I'm just thre way I am..Exam exam exam..Results results results........Yeah, I cannot cry..I must sleep now..I gonna cook spaghetti for my family..nitez, SumiYukiko, Princess of Happiness. Don't make your name fake, and be it truely. Well, I hope so..and I'm trying my best.

Dissapointed

Yeah~After exam,fun..cheers..back to city of happiness...Later did I know the fear's waiting behind. I forgt about facing results, forgot about facing problems that I toase a side before exam, forgot about many things that I still owed...Face results, forget about it..I'm not sure wherther I can go to C class..OR..will I turn down to E class??? Well, I don't think so ans OF COURSE I hope N.O. Face etc. etc. problems, well, one word - speechless. Cry for unvaluable things, sad for unusual things, hurting unexpected hearts and souls... Yea.. that's my speechless. Things to do...LOADS. Projects, one by one. Art, when I'm done teacher said she don't want to give marks anymore. Stil got lke that huh? If I didn't get 81 for my art, I'm sure I'll get my 9 marks for that last homework. Hmm..then I'll get 90 for that right? Lolxx then I'll get two 9's! =) Forgot about it.. I'm just make it all up. =.= I'm
'happy',crazy and stubborn nowadays, don't you see that? I'm stressed! I'm helpless! That is why I go over through this way! Yeah, all you did was just mocking me and blaming me this and that. It's alright, I'm not focusing on you anyway. More and more unhappiness, more and more stress, more and more dissapointed... Can I get through all these? Yes, I can.

Anonymous visitor(s?)

I'm posting this blog to an anonymous. "A little sharing"..."About Sumi"...her little daily trouble? Forget about it~ I'm just posting for fun and let go all my stress and unhappiness.

Private - Stress

Feeling stressed these days. I have lots to catch up, loads of work to do. And I have too much stress to deal with, I don't really have much time for that. Mrs. Ling said about out trueself today. I've been speechless, for I had lost my trueself, that what I've been thinking. I lost my trueself, since last year, since met with Chia, that's what Wern said. She told me that I 've been changing since I met her, I gave an duno-wherther-it-is-an-excuse that peoples are like that. Once you getting close too often with soneone our one surrounding, you'll somehow be a little alike with 'them'. But I won't think much, for I've nothing to actually stress or sad for. Ya.. I do hope so. I put this as my private profile, but yet this is the only actually one that I don't want people to know about.

My True Self - Lost

A few days ago, Wern said something that hurts me a lot and quite hunting me. She used to say I'm acting like someone, since last year. She even said I'm more serious last year, this year's being better. I told her, humans are like that. When you're closer to someone and both of you get together often, you will get at least a little influence by her. I couldn't show how hurt I was that time, I couldn't let her see my hurt face.
So long, 2 years. At last, I'm getting myself better than the past. This year, I finally succeeded in making myself more happy, more open-minded than usuall, I thought. But Wern's words make me felt horrible for myself. I'm living in someone's shadow for such a long time. I'm not my self, I'm not belong to my own. I'm copying others, I'm acting like others, not my TRUE self.
To me, it's a hurt ones. Because I'm sick of being someone while I don't realize it and found it when people starts saying me this and that. So my solution, get more touch with others, lots more people. Why? Because I'm the one and only, Sumi Yukiko, Princess of Happiniess, that solves problems as fast as I could, in order to continue stay happy.

Uneraseable Memory

Everytime before exam, there's always something that interrupt my concentration. First, dad. Then, fire. Now, A.
Nowadays, I become more and more busy. Keeping myself continuosly busy in order to keep out the uncomfortable things. But I seemed to be fail huh?
Thinking of her doings, thinking about our reactions, thinking about my stupidness, thinking about our foolishness, thinking about...something already over but yet kept in my mind forever.
I'm thinking about something that I shouldn't think. I try to keep myself more and more busy to forget about it, but yet at night, I can't sleep and couldn't stop refreshing the whole incident. That suffers me a lot.
Whenever I think about it, my heart feel so terribly bitter and I'm feeling like crying but there's no tears coming out from my eyes. I stared blankly into the dark space, try to focus out the thoughts but it's always a failure.
I know it will carft in my heart/mind forever, should be? This kind of me, never/couldn't/hard to erase any of the memories that I remember. It leads benefits and also useless trouble. And I'll lead this to a dead end, soon, I hope.

Internet Lover? Definately NO!

Have you ever fall in love with your MSN so called-friend?
Well, I don't know wherether I'm in it or not?
And I always tell my friend that don't believe in them 'coz you don't really know who they are? And I keep having faith that I WON'T fall in love in this~
But then..I 'met' someone..male, aged 17, learning in Hair Impression now..

You know he's some kind of 'cute' i think..
I jus couldn't keep on laughing whenever I heard his voice through the microphone..
You know? He's just so funny and cute~ >o<
I'm won't fall in love in this.
Somehow I remind myself with this and I know I won't fall in this.

Well, he's got girlfriend huh?
I don't know, and I don't dare to ask him.
Why? It's simple. When a guy/girl ask you this question all of a sudden..
Won't you feel anything wrong?
You might think that maybe he/she get a little crush in you?
You will, right? Me too.
That's why I don't want to ask him.

In fact, we end up in his silent-leaving.
Our first chat, he ends up like this.
Arrgh~ I'm not angry about it, just I hate people do this to me.
It's kind of irresponsible/unrespecting or something?
Never mind now.

I like the most he sang "I'm waiting for you...".
It's so sweet you know?
I mean his voice, well he sang it nice, really!
He' just losing 1 thing in his perfect-ness I think? =)

Angel Of Heaven

Do you actually believe in appearance of angel?If you do, here's a letter for you.

************************************************************************************
Dear my true friend,
I might be an angel that sent into your life...to watch over you, to solve you problems,to help you. I might not be significant in your life but you can always turn to me in times of need or just when you need someone to talk to. To you, I may just be a star just like everyone else but when you are in need of someone, I'll be the first one to be shining and would be the brightest, just like the stars would only blow out after a couple of million years, I would always be there till it's time for me to leave.

Regards,
Angel-of-Heaven
************************************************************************************

I choose to believe, for this is my will and I wanted to be happy and be secure. I can't force you to believe in angels but I want to tell you that, there's always an angel hanging up high in the sky, watching you and protecting you. I once search for it before when I was a little girl but then I realized that you will find it easily if you do believe in it and have faith in it. It is now in my heart, blessing me, giving me happiness. Hope one day you may find it too.

Sumi's Lost Smile

Sumi's lost smile has not been found yet.
Sumi wants to continue smiling.
She felt that her smile's fading away slowly.
She don't want to lose them.

Sumi's smile became weaker and weaker.
Sumi's wondering what caused the incident.
She's afraid of losing her smile.
She's trying hard to find back her lost smile.

Sumi wants to smile.
Sumi's smile became more and more fake.
She's typing this article with a confused smile.
She's questioning herself wherether is it her true smile.

Sumi won't sad anymore, though she know she stressed a lot.
Sumi wants to be a brave girl, that faces stress fearless.
She's gonna try to keep herself busy, in order to forget her stress.
She wanna be happy than anyone else, because it's the way to make others smile.

Sumi's lost smile.
Sumi will find out soon, perhaps?
She's gonna start a 'new' life IN her own.
She's facing it with invisible supports in her deepest heart.